time has passed and things have changed.  here are the big updates.

the ham cast were texting with t. when he wanted to borrow one of their hot little sports cars to do who knows what with.  the ham refused and offered other alternatives... like the bus.  just because the ham can afford putting one of their sports cars in the hands of a drug and gambling addict doesn't mean they will. besides, he could sell it for smack on the street.  instead of accepting their advice and using it to help him problem solve, he decided to start a text fight. one thing led to another and t. showed up at the loft's parking lot asking for e. to bring his stuff to him because  he didn't want to show his face in the apartment. e. refused and instead left it outside their door for him to pick up on his own accord.  he texted "end transmission" and hasn't been heard of since.  and so a long standing relationship with the ham ended over a text. i guess one day you're in and the next day you're out.  sorry t., but you are out. and it was on your own accord.

m. has a hot new rock star boyfriend causing her to constantly be off at band gigs and staying out at bars for days on end.  l. and e. joke that when m. actually does come around, they barely recognize her.  what effect will this new guy have on the ham cast?  could it be you get rid of one troublemaker and get another?

e.'s boyfriend has challenged her other boyfriend z.e. to a wrestling competition and whoever wins gets e. he seems to believe that all e. cares about are feats of strength. i'm betting my money on the boyfriend winning. also, e. was seen in disneyland's new giant maze with miley cyrus.  apparently they're best friends now. while there, taylor swift came storming after them and started trying to fight e.  she wouldn't say why, but i have a feeling that e. has a new boy in the mix and i think he's a jonas.   

friends have been lost and guys have been found.  it's no wonder there aren't as many updates, it's hard to keep up with such crazy lifestyles.  there will be another update after the holidays for sure. if you're good, maybe santa will be kind and bless you with a post before the new year.  

xoxo and merry holidays!

dear kind rachel girl,

i will work on setting up a "real" link. for some reason the link i gave isn't working... i guess i'm not as computer savvy as i thought.

sorry for the sporadic posts, daddy dearest decided to have his favorite little girl join the real world and get a job. yeah, that's right, he cut me off. but don't worry, i'm not bitter at all. in between burger flipping, it's amazing i manage to get any news about the ham cast at all. (if you would like to donate to my cause, just click on the link at the bottom of the post. i assure you once i have enough money from your donations i will be back and better than ever. until then, sporadic posts are all you get.)

as of today, m. and e. ditched l. at the loft with nothing but a bottle of jamaican rum. and they tell l. they aren't enablers. m. headed south to celebrate her "21st" birthday with a small get together, a simple parade through most of tacoma. (m. didn't want anything too big for her birthday this year.) and e. went home to her boyfriend to try and make up the fact that she had put her other boyfriend's picture up on her computer desktop instead of him. good luck!

this past few weeks m. has been prepping for her birthday, arranging for all the gatherings everyone expects her to host. some days are hard when you're a socialite. and they're even harder with at week's worth of hang-overs. e. has been busy getting to know chemistryboy-- perhaps a little too well. and l. has been busy as well working on two commissioned pieces of her art. maybe she won't have to live in e.'s attic after all! but e., m. and l. don't spend all their time apart, they have also been busy working with Cupcake, P.I. on a mysterious ice truck killer and the possibility of a serial killer who's good. if there's anyone who can solve that case, i'd bet my money (if i had any) on the ham cast and detective cupcake.

it's a busy life for the ham, but i'll do my best to report from my end. if you'd like to improve the quality of the information, just follow the link below. after all, if there's any thing that the internet has taught us, it's that there's no such thing as free information.

xoxo.

www.savetheham.org/cashmoneyonly

m., e. and l. have a new roommate, a. so far, besides the usually move-in disasters of who puts their blow dryer where and calling dibs on cute neighbor guys, everything seems to have settled down. for now, a. is bunking with m. which may cause problems later on since m. has been having a different guy over every night. e.'s been having pool "lessons" with her new guy. and l. has been poetically inspired in her art drawing the "re-genesis of trees" while simultaneously making eyes at artboy and mathboy. but who knows where that will lead. 

earlier this week, the coffee table was mysteriously broken in the night. no word on if it was due to m.'s drunken escapades or the fact that e. had her boyfriend up. both claim it was a coincidence, so only the coffee table knows what really happened.

e.'s boyfriend supposedly isn't talking to her because he "left his phone at his apartment."

t.'s gambling problem is worse than ever, choosing to go to canada and gamble more instead of helping his friends in need. and on top of that, he either has a new girlfriend or has found a new card game.

so life is pretty hectic here on the ham and only gets more as today progresses since e.'s long lost cousin is planning on coming into town.

of course, you only need to come here to stay posted.

xoxo.

m., e., and l. all have their noses stuck in their computers because they got a fancy new-fangled thing called the internet. let's all hope they come up for air. before internet came along, m. busied herself with trying to arrange a date for l. and e. swam in her personal olympic sized pool. l. continues to draw scribbles. sometimes they resemble people. usually not.

also, earlier today, m. was startled by a burglar who stole all her belts and hair supplies who had gotten in through the doggie door. 

the cast of the ham has been enjoying their increasing fame as they attended a fair held just for them where they received lots of free stuff. they were one of the few people in the country to receive kosher water blessed by the greatest rabbi of all time, matisyahu. as well as pizza made by italians. then they totally partied it up with chilibeermac. but mostly things have been pretty lame around the ham because of lame things happening around them so it has been pretty lame.

season 2

season 2 has begun with l.'s arrival to the loft on sunday with her move-in crew hauling all of her stuff behind her. despite excitement l. had to finally have some time alone, e. decided to move in earlier than expected causing l. to have an artist fit where she holed herself up in the book nook grumbling to herself and drawing big circle scribbles over and over for the rest of the night. e. spent the day reacquainting herself with her rubik's cube. m. showed up to the party late after her latest sugar daddy decided to get rid of her sleek black sport car (we can't name brands or we'll be sued..... again) so that she could "actually get a feel for the real world." thanks to that "real world" experience she oh so desperately needed, her lovely new car (if you can call it that) decided that the drive to the city was a bit too much for her to handle and decided to crap out halfway through. thanks to a lovely, finely muscled local boy the car was able to make it here. that's m. for you. always trying to be fashionably late. besides m. being late and the lovely circle scribbles that are littered around the loft, things are off to a grand start.

xoxo.

this is a report to report that there is not anything to report.

let the countdown begin! season 2 of the ham will be premiering in about a month! until then, i'm sure you're enjoying all the reruns of last season's drama and you'll be lucky enough to be treated to a summer special to introduce you all to the ham's new loft- the tempest coming next week. 

xoxo.

a short summer update from sources close to the cast of the ham.

e. and her boyfriend survived paradise with each other, believe it or not.

m. and l. have been experimenting with baked goods with the help of t. perhaps for the opening of their newest business endeavor--a bakery?

l. is laying low passed out on pain killers from a recent facial reconstruction. let's hope this one will heal better than her last one....

t. moved and hasn't been seen or heard of since.

and finally,

e. has kicked everyone out of h5cs to work on a "chemistry project." (it's probably best if we don't know all the details of this one so that we don't have to lie when it inevitably goes to court.)

stay cool through the summer and i'll keep you updated as news filters in,

xoxo.

thursdays are for: dinner dates and finding out t. has friends besides m., e. and l.! 

at least, he has a friend. sources are trying to figure out if it's actually a stranger t. payed to pretend to be his friend. either way, aren't they cute?? they even sort of match.

t. is headed up to canada for the night with his "friend," supposedly to gamble (another addiction),but from his history, it's likely he's headed up there to score some quality drugs. not even m.'s good friend dr. phil could help and now he's headed up to our northern friend to get stuff "you can't even find here!"

e. and l. are headed for a day trip to china to promote the release of the ham followed by a quiet chinese lunch. then e. will be headed to a 253 party for a birthday celebration. m. plans to study hard for the end of the school year by also heading south to the big city for an alcolbration.

don't say the ham never left with a bang. the pressure's building, and when it blows, it's sure to be explosive. let's just hope someone will be there to pick up the pieces.

signing off,

xoxo

e. went longboarding on the boyfriend's longboard, fell off and got herpes. ever since, it's been quite an uphill battle as she and the rest of the ham have had to deal with her 'roid-rage. consequently, they've been laying low.

despite that, there are a few things to report.

facial hair has become a popular sight on set as m. and l. prepare for some sort of event. is it l.'s new artistic project, or just a theme party? only time will tell.

l. is focusing on the art of not making art in an attempt to receive more credibility as an artist.

m. may have a budding romance. and it turns out that her friendship comes at a high cost.

season 1 of the ham is coming to a close, with the season finale following the departure of the cast with e. heading to hawaii with a boyfriend, the question is: which one? and l. and m. heading home. t. appears to be stalking e. and is following her to hawaii. luckily, they'll be on different islands.

season 2 will open with m., e. and l. moving into their new penthouse in the valley. new place, new excitement, new drama.

the ham has been on a short hiatus recently, attempting to recover from recent events. a gunman was spotted earlier this month outside m. and e.'s apartment, causing obvious concern. the violent actions of the man flailing his weapon about and then taking a girl hostage before police negotiators were able to step in and talk him down was a tumultuous experience for the ham. the stress of the event has worn everyone down, causing t. and l. to get into a food fight and giving e. an extremely mysterious skin anomaly. doctors are concerned someone may be trying to hurt or even kill her. supernaturally! police reports later stated that the gunman was a huge fan of the ham and just wanted to get their attention to show to them how much he loved the show. obviously it didn't go as planned. dear readers, waving a weapon about is not the way to get the ham's attention. i know we all love them, but seriously, show them that in a classy way. classy appreciation is always appreciated. hostages, for some reason, are not. the ham made it through the experience with the gunman, hopefully they'll be able to manage through e.'s strange illness.

the ham is making new friendships, and some are closer than others. 

e. has been getting close with her volleyball teammate jazmine. finally a friend of the same sex! and she and cute math boy have also been pretty talkative lately. m. has been spending so much of her time with philip, we've practically forgotten what her face looks like. and not to be out done, l. appears to be locking lips with warren piece. ah, new friends. but i wouldn't get too attached to them, after all, none of it is facebook official yet. and if it's not on facebook, it's not official.

xoxo.

all's quiet on the home front, a certain sign of a storm brewing....

since the last post, a lot has certainly happened on the ham.

d. has been lost at sea. but separation is natural.

e. may have a fifth boyfriend, but she'll have to fight m. and l. for him. as l. fights for him, she's also fighting to survive in the art world as she struggles to defend her status as an artist. after all, an artist has taken ap classes, and has a website and portfolio on hand at any time, an amateur doesn't. where will she fall in the eyes of critics? artist? or amateur? 

the boyfriend came up for the weekend to see e. leaving the weekday boyfriend free to do as he pleased. former schoolmates dts came for a rare performance in the ham, kicking off the weekend. luckily, the performance didn't set anything on fire this time. m. and l. went to an after-party at the 28 while e. and the boyfriend had an after-party of their own. m. and l.'s after-party went into the early hours of the next day by the time they finally stumbled home. it looks like firemen may be making guest appearances on the ham in the future. after all, who knows how to party better than a fireman? and, lucky for m. and l., there will finally be someone to put out all the fires. from the events of friday night, it looks like m. and l. have ended their fight and all is forgiven. let's just hope l. doesn't forget to tell m. about the soup-of-the-day and, consequently, forget about m. 

saturday afternoon was spent by e., the boyfriend, and l. playing tennis at a country club with anna kournikova. she reportedly was heard saying that they are fierce competition and she learned a thing or two about them to add to the speed of her serves. impressive! this was followed by a low key night at the movie theater watching the comedy '88 minutes.'

(yesterday)

oh dear. 

t. appears to have hit rock bottom if recent events are any sign. m., e. and l. were seen yesterday locking t. in the car with them, where they proceeded to attempt an intervention. after attempts by t. to joke about the situation in a way to stall and plan a way to get out of the car, m. and l. did most of the talking while e. looked on, her eyes brimming with tears. mid-way through the intervention, it was discovered, at their aptly timed intervention, t. was still high. after hours of talking, t. promised to quit (again) and personally apologized to each one of them. but that could have just been because his high was dying down and he needed an excuse to get out and sneak another hit.

how long will this last? could t.'s mysterious weekly plans on friday from 6 to 8 have anything to do with this? and if so, is it helping feed his addiction, or is he really actually trying to change and perhaps attending AA meetings?

what will be rock bottom for t.? if an intervention with the people t. spends most of his time with won't work, what will? 

***

l. was seen dressed to impress tonight heading out into the night with a cigarette in one hand and a half empty bottle of vodka in the other. is the stress of all the current conflicts getting to be too much for her to handle? if she returns to her party girl roots will it be just for the night or longer? i'll stick around to see when, or if, she drags herself home.

 

e. and m. head home for the weekend, and the sex, drugs, and rock and roll come out in full swing. hello, hangover central.

xoxo

arguments have risen among the ham cast regarding creative differences. as popularity for the documentary grows, c. proposes grandiose ideas for  various things to be implemented into aspects of the show. as though it isn't juicy enough already.

t. and l. debated heatedly with c. about punctuation over titles among other things. as the debate escalated into an argument, e. and m. rushed to push the cameramen out of the local hangout, the atrium. e. was seen the next day with bruises on her forearms. did the argument escalate into an all out fist flinging brawl? the cast refused comment. 

a spin off may be the answer as c. feels more and more that he is not given enough airtime and considers completely severing himself from the others. he was reportedly heard saying he was the reason why the show is as successful as it is, and if he leaves, all viewership will leave too.

what will be the future of the ham? will it survive the cast's creative differences? can it survive? or, must all good things really come to an end?

xoxo

a secret inside source has confirmed e.'s hot winter night boyfriend. 

could it be that e. is acquiring a guy not only for every time of the week, but also for each season? men are like bags after all, some are more fashionable during certain seasons. will this turn into too much for e. to juggle?

xoxo

the cast has barely started a new quarter, and already they're neck deep in trouble. 

m. and t. are back to being even more mysterious.

word on the street is that e. has caught herself a man for her hot winter nights. how does she keep up with all of her bf's? or, more importantly, how do they keep up with her?

m. is acquiring a rock collection, marveling the collection of amanda bynes. it's the only not-mysterious happening in her life. a quick look into m.'s planner and she's got a male visitor lined up for the night. an old flame revisited?

t. was occupied from 6-8 friday night. doing something. cameramen were not allowed, raising suspicions between m. and l. so much that they have begun to plan an intervention due to suspicions of more drug use. 

e. took a road trip south to visit the boyfriend causing things to be slightly quieter on the home front.

l. and m. spent the evening analyzing the artistic aspects of a.t.u., choosing a break from outside drama with a night in.

d. is alive and well according to an inside source.

c. is back on the scene in the ham after a two month hideous.  the girls welcomed him back freely, but who knows when he'll be giving them the cold shoulder again.   currently though he's frequently joining e., m., and l. for luncheons. he also recently assisted in the girl's new endeavor to find a new home so they can be together next year.  (who knows what drama and confrontation will arise out of this new living situation)  c. and d. are looking for living quarters as well.  the rock-star and the misunderstood sailor, who knew such dreaminess could be contained under one roof?  but it might be rough with d. getting used to his land legs and c. playing music whenever and wherever his musical muse seduces him.  not to mention their frequent female encounters. this could get very interesting.  

e., m. and l. are busily searching for a new home, as e. and m.'s current living situation will end sooner than expected due to a jealous landowner.  e.'s fighting for the master bedroom, because more room means more men.  but l. secretly wants in it so it may be converted into an art studio and m. has her eyes on the extra closet space for her new designer duds.  

a week in, and it's already deliciously interesting.  will t. be caught in the act?  and will e.'s personal life take a toll on her schooling?  will c. stick around to even see what will happen next?  

well i don't know.  but i will soon.  stick around, 'cause the temperature's getting turned up.

xoxo  

Meet the Cast

e. has 3 boyfriends. the boyfriend, a weekday boyfriend, and a boyfriend for those crazy summer nights. she might have one for the crazy winter nights, but that hasn't been confirmed.

m. goes to all the parties. everyone says if she's not there, then it's not a party. which is true. she's glam and the paparazzi love her. jealous? everyone else is. when she's not partying, she's saving the elephants. what selfless redeeming thing have you done lately?

c. is a rockstar. the harmonica hasn't been so cool since dylan. also, he died and came back to life.

d. is currently working for the man, but the truth is that he's an undercover spy. don't tell anyone.

t. is a world class poker champ. he's so good, he's banned from vegas.  he's a cumpulsive liar but that's helped along the way while assuming alternate identities.  yet when it comes to real life, t. can get himself into some trouble seeing as  he's currently seeking rehabilitation for illegal drug use.  

l.  is the artist.   she spends her days musing over the complications of life and death.  no man has ever been able to obtain her.  her cropped hair and piercing brown eyes would stop any man in his tracks but don't stare too long, this dame can turn into a wolf in the blink of the eye.