It's official. L. is off the wagon. They get rid of one (T.) and another comes along... What a fitting time for M. and E. to leave her alone for the weekend. Aren't you excited to see how far down the hole she'll go!? Maybe she'll marry someone with a little help from Patron.

It has been a while on The Ham, for sure. Let's review person by person.

E.

If you think a marathon is hardcore, you haven't hung out with E. recently. She has been pulling double and sometimes triple marathons where she runs one marathon after the other. She also celebrated the holiday season by getting so many ear piercing her ears are beginning to look completely metal. Most of her break was spent pining after her new heartthrob Cullen. Unfortunately, it seems his heart may lie elsewhere. But of course, that's how it started with the Jonas brother. And he dumped the other girl, so history will probably repeat itself once again. When E. wasn't pining after Cullen, she was working as her boyfriend's mattress. Her father flew in a semi-truck's worth shipment of Wassail and she celebrated the season in style.

M.

It was also a busy break for M. who was doing double duty in her southern home as well as being a social up north. She and her bestie Allie partied every night and usually into the day as well. She bought and tested every single different sort of beer in existence and is in the works with a book deal. M. was also busy having her one-of-a-kind Betsy Johnson dress designed for this past week's Festivus event. Of course, M. planned the party and it definitely was an event not to be missed. It brought some people closer and tore some people apart, the way every good party should. And, thanks to M. there never was a single awkward moment. A true success.

L.

For L., break was spent hanging out with Titus. Somehow though, they were never seen so there isn't much word on Titus. My associate is looking into his background. I heard from a close insider that she was very broken up when they had to separate for their jobs. L. tried to speak to T., but transmission is still broken. She was also seen with red liquid splattered all over her hands. Officials claim it was ink, but others speculate a more sinister liquid. L.'s first backpack design was launched and an immediate success. At the after party all L. would talk about was R. and point at the ice sculpture bust made of R. I heard the champagne fountain was pretty nice too. M. organized the party which is synonymous for it being a success.