What What

Dear Rachel,

Five years ago on this day you requested via Facebook that this blog be graced with one final post. You wish is this anonymous blogger's command.

xoxo


Unfortunately, there's not much cyber-drama to report. E, M, and L are all chillin' like villians. They're all living glamourous lives in fancy houses hanging out with fancy people doing fancy things. M's parties are the talk of the town. E continues being too cool for her own good and L continues the role as tortured artist. They are all living the dream.

Rihanna isn't the one appearing with bruises, L. was recently seen with a large bruise on her left thigh. A close friend reports M. took L. out for a night on the town and while they were at the Rouge L. got into a fight after one Jaggerbomb too many. No report on if M. or a stranger was the offender. L. declined comment.

L has recently been seen gulping down cold medicine by the bottle. is she sick? insiders say no. ever since she made an appearance on the hip/hop/rap scene last year she's been getting crazy ideas maybe her ex co-worker Lil Wayne rubbed off a little too much on her. hopefully she won't start getting face tattoos but if she does i bet it will be the next big thing once l. does something everyone from Taylor swift to Madonna follows suite. oh, the tragic glories of being in the public eye.

E. was seen getting fashion advice and rummaging through M's closet for the perfect dress to wear on valentine's night. knowing her it's bound to be a busy night. M's closet beats all of the the trendiest boutiques and admittance is rare. the last dress she loaned out the girl got engaged in. is it magic? or just great style sense? it's too soon to know.

Allie, M's bestie has been seen acting very curious. M has her on lockdown until she cools down. perhaps someone leaked drugs into the apartment a very bad idea knowing the socials' ground rules. give A drugs and you will never be seen on the upper west side again.

pictures have surfaced of T's wear abouts. he's pictured somewhere in south america. hmmm isn't south america known for good cocaine? more to come soon.

we'll keep you posted.
xoxo

It's official. L. is off the wagon. They get rid of one (T.) and another comes along... What a fitting time for M. and E. to leave her alone for the weekend. Aren't you excited to see how far down the hole she'll go!? Maybe she'll marry someone with a little help from Patron.

It has been a while on The Ham, for sure. Let's review person by person.

E.

If you think a marathon is hardcore, you haven't hung out with E. recently. She has been pulling double and sometimes triple marathons where she runs one marathon after the other. She also celebrated the holiday season by getting so many ear piercing her ears are beginning to look completely metal. Most of her break was spent pining after her new heartthrob Cullen. Unfortunately, it seems his heart may lie elsewhere. But of course, that's how it started with the Jonas brother. And he dumped the other girl, so history will probably repeat itself once again. When E. wasn't pining after Cullen, she was working as her boyfriend's mattress. Her father flew in a semi-truck's worth shipment of Wassail and she celebrated the season in style.

M.

It was also a busy break for M. who was doing double duty in her southern home as well as being a social up north. She and her bestie Allie partied every night and usually into the day as well. She bought and tested every single different sort of beer in existence and is in the works with a book deal. M. was also busy having her one-of-a-kind Betsy Johnson dress designed for this past week's Festivus event. Of course, M. planned the party and it definitely was an event not to be missed. It brought some people closer and tore some people apart, the way every good party should. And, thanks to M. there never was a single awkward moment. A true success.

L.

For L., break was spent hanging out with Titus. Somehow though, they were never seen so there isn't much word on Titus. My associate is looking into his background. I heard from a close insider that she was very broken up when they had to separate for their jobs. L. tried to speak to T., but transmission is still broken. She was also seen with red liquid splattered all over her hands. Officials claim it was ink, but others speculate a more sinister liquid. L.'s first backpack design was launched and an immediate success. At the after party all L. would talk about was R. and point at the ice sculpture bust made of R. I heard the champagne fountain was pretty nice too. M. organized the party which is synonymous for it being a success.

time has passed and things have changed.  here are the big updates.

the ham cast were texting with t. when he wanted to borrow one of their hot little sports cars to do who knows what with.  the ham refused and offered other alternatives... like the bus.  just because the ham can afford putting one of their sports cars in the hands of a drug and gambling addict doesn't mean they will. besides, he could sell it for smack on the street.  instead of accepting their advice and using it to help him problem solve, he decided to start a text fight. one thing led to another and t. showed up at the loft's parking lot asking for e. to bring his stuff to him because  he didn't want to show his face in the apartment. e. refused and instead left it outside their door for him to pick up on his own accord.  he texted "end transmission" and hasn't been heard of since.  and so a long standing relationship with the ham ended over a text. i guess one day you're in and the next day you're out.  sorry t., but you are out. and it was on your own accord.

m. has a hot new rock star boyfriend causing her to constantly be off at band gigs and staying out at bars for days on end.  l. and e. joke that when m. actually does come around, they barely recognize her.  what effect will this new guy have on the ham cast?  could it be you get rid of one troublemaker and get another?

e.'s boyfriend has challenged her other boyfriend z.e. to a wrestling competition and whoever wins gets e. he seems to believe that all e. cares about are feats of strength. i'm betting my money on the boyfriend winning. also, e. was seen in disneyland's new giant maze with miley cyrus.  apparently they're best friends now. while there, taylor swift came storming after them and started trying to fight e.  she wouldn't say why, but i have a feeling that e. has a new boy in the mix and i think he's a jonas.   

friends have been lost and guys have been found.  it's no wonder there aren't as many updates, it's hard to keep up with such crazy lifestyles.  there will be another update after the holidays for sure. if you're good, maybe santa will be kind and bless you with a post before the new year.  

xoxo and merry holidays!

dear kind rachel girl,

i will work on setting up a "real" link. for some reason the link i gave isn't working... i guess i'm not as computer savvy as i thought.